Exploring the world of "Her"

In one scene, Charles reminds Theodore of the popular theory that you’ve got to eat your fruits and juice your vegetables, he explains to him that by juicing the fruits, it loses all the important fibers which the body wants, and otherwise it’s simply sugar.

Does this advice from Charles suggest that Theodore should apply this rule in life and love also?

Theodore unknowingly juices his romantic relationship, the underutilized fibers of which does not help his appetite for care and attention, what remains is complete overflow of sugar in the form of anxiety, whereas eating away the important moments of life in silence, overthinking, and revisiting past does not help him too, because those wasted important moments are not absorbed into his memories. In the imbalanced chaotic gap between these two states lies Theodore Twombly (Joaquin Phoenix).

Spike Jonze’s 2013 film “her” is an unsettling work of art, which left me wondering about lots of questions. It’s a film that feels so personal at every level, be it the optimistic future it projects, the melancholic state of mind of a person who is not able to get over the person he loves, or what it feels like to be human. It is an astonishing tale of a writer falling in love with an operating system and in process understanding the meaning of what it feels like to be human and the actual meaning of love. On paper, the idea sounds too abstract, and virtually difficult, but the way it has been shot, projected and performed by the actors, it makes us believe in it thoroughly, that this could possibly be our future.

Theodore is a letter writer who acts as an unacknowledged mediator between people who are too busy in their work, that they do not have time for their loved ones. He makes sure the kind of letters he writes feels authentic and genuine, he puts a lot of effort in finding small details in their relationships, and then crafts lines based on those fine details, because he understands and values the impact his words are going to have on the person reading those letters. There is a cruel irony of that situation, because he is able to endure the pressure of delivering heartfelt words to someone’s love, but he is not able to resolve his own personal relationship, and that inability to resolve those issues is forcing him to a state of loneliness. The interesting thing at this point is how Theodore is able to believe in love through his work, that sadness in him does not drive him to develop bitter feelings about the idea of love, instead he lets an aura of heedlessness built around his mind, lack of care, in terms of living his life in a manner that he desired, be it socializing with his friends or society, trying to feel more positive about himself.

The initial scenes involving Theodore made me instantly assume, that he is going through a near state of depression, but on repeated viewings, I found it a sort of deception on behalf of Spike Jonze. Theodore wants us to believe that he is lonely, but I felt that it was purely his perception towards his present state of mind, he listens to a melancholic song on his way back to home after work, and when the song does not suite his idea of melancholy, he switch to other melancholy song, that might be more compatible to his current mood of sadness. The disconsolate posture of his hands and his slow walk adds another layer to this deception of loneliness, and once when he is listening to his emails, and clearing his inbox without giving a second listen to the ones from friends, he pauses down for a moment when he hears a news about a television star revealing erotic pregnancy pictures, he takes out his phone, and gives them a glance. He plays a game, where an alien is left in an unknown place, and is looking to found a way out, that perfectly sums up Theodore, the game is simply a visual metaphor, in reality, he is the one who is lost.

The reason of my speculation that Theodore in those initial scenes is trying to lead us into believing that he is lonely, because Her, is a film that on surface is a love story, but I found it more of a character study, and those initial scenes are laying the foundation for us to familiarize with Theodore, and feel empathy for this person because he is so isolated and does not deserve to live his life in such a state of anomaly. The beautiful character arc created helps us to understand Theodore more deeply. This establishment of character is amalgamated with narratives techniques in film-making, which helps us get more familiar with the emotional purgatory that Theodore is experiencing, and once we feel associated with that emotion, we see a reflection of ourselves and our future in Theodore.

Editing plays a vital role in establishing the context of love from the perspective of Theodore by focusing on his past, his present and the outcome that result out of the friction between those two events. Editing is one of the integral processes in creating the arc in the minds of viewers about this character. Theodore remembers moments from past with his wife, and then we cut back to his present state on several occasions, the idea behind this is simple, to convey he is still stuck in that time period of his life where he lived those happy moments. The montage created between Theodore's past and present is not merely used in an impermanent terms between the scenes, the montage represents Theodore's wreckage of delicate thoughts, about his desires. In his mind, the past moments are the time he actually wants to go back to, and relive despite knowing how much it will hurt him, but that's just his desire.

Notice the contrasting nature between the two phases of his life, there is brightness along with darkness, in one he is smiling so openly, in other he is just overthinking about those moments, this beautiful scenario created by fine editing helps us to get an insight into the internal struggle that he is facing. So, without much elaboration through dialogues and actions, we can at-least assume about the desires of Theodore, merely through editing.

The next important technique which helps us understand Theodore is how the camera reflects his internal presence in front of us, in a lot of instances in the film, the manner in which he is placed in a frame is symbolic of his state, he is always isolated whereas the people he is having conversations with most of the times are couples, also the people he writes letter for, their photographs are also together, this emptiness of the frame alongside Theodore represents his quest to be in love with someone enthusiastically, and feel that magic of being in love with someone yet again, the way Theodore walks in a different direction as compared to the one people around him are walking towards, the brightness of the color of his clothes makes him stand out in the crowd , all such points add up-to the portraying of his character.

I cannot help but recall the line from Gulzar Saab, when he said that Films are made on two tables; Writing and Editing. Spike Jonze might have written these scenes keeping in mind about creating a motive of inner conflict for his principal character, but it's the fine editing that gives the character a deeper illustrative meaning to the sense of perception about the world, life and love that Theodore has, which helps us understand his character more closely.

The plot actually kicks off when Theodore is intrigued by the idea of having the world's most sophisticated operating system, to simply wave off his sense of isolation. He is in a random state of mind, where one cannot predict what his next action is going to be. When Theodore sets up the operating System, little does he realizes at that point about the monumental change it's going to bring in his life, I am deliberately using the word Monumental, because it represents the large magnitude of change his interactions with Samantha (Scarlett Johansson) brings in his life. Recall that game which Theodore plays late at night, where he is lost, once he has Samantha, she helps him find a path, this is actually what she does in his life too, that is too give him a direction where he feels more comfortable and can be more of himself. Theodore finds solace in those moments of constructing letters for the people who are supposedly in love with each other, that same love which Theodore too once had and now he longs for. Theodore's purpose in life is to be in that sort of love, and when he meets Samantha, he starts finding that purpose to be in love once again. 

Recall the scene when She tells him to go on a date, and he reluctantly agrees, because at that point despite longing for a human connection, he is still living in a state of isolation, and have his world around the circle of technology, he wants to be associated with  human interactions yet his separation with Catherine (Rooney Mara) makes him cynical of losing out on yet another  relationship, this is a tricky and contrasting situation but very relatable to our present state because we know what's his dilemma, yet we cannot state it in simple terms. He does eventually go for the date and starts having a great time initially, he tells her that he does not want to be considered a puppy, he wants to be a dragon, it seemed fun initially, but that line tells us a lot about what random thoughts are going through his mind, he does not want to be considered merely cute but rather be a representative of a more intense form of masculinity, which he might be assuming what works in a relationship, the origin of these thoughts might be related to his separation with Catherine, the pain of which still troubles him. 

We cannot refuse the fact that he'll always be a form of puppy, in search for an enriched emotional compatibility in his relationship. He ends up hurting his date without any fault of him; I mean that's just what has been happening with him in his relationship, expecting that someone will understand his emotions without him having to put any effort to express those emotions. When she says that she expects him to be not like other men that she went out with before who'll just have sex with her and vanish, one would expect Theodore to capture this opportunity and tell the girl that he longs for emotional intimacy rather than merely physical one, but those thoughts playing in his mind about all those moments from his past, prevents him from going ahead with the moment that he is currently sharing with the lady and his silence and his words are misconstrued giving out a meaning that he is just not ready to give his commitment in a relationship.

When Samantha starts having romantic feelings for Theodore, that's seems so pure and organic that we totally forgets that the whole idea is near to impossible, but Spike Jonze tricks us a step ahead, and creates a defining moment of the film, where Theodore and Samantha engage in virtual intimacy through their voices and the deep feelings behind those voices. The scene in which Theodore and Samantha indulge in sex is my favorite scene in the film, because the build to that scene is beautiful, the moment of intimacy which cannot be observed physically yet can be felt through their voices, and once things begin to get more intimate, the camera fades into black leaving us imagining the whole scenario in our minds. It left me wondering that the mere idea which sounds so absurd on paper can be projected so aesthetically, again the brilliant editing, music and direction which forces us to delve into that moment is a superlative work of art. The camera then cuts back to a wide shot of futuristic Los Angeles, probably signifying the possibility of such close interactions between humans and artificial intelligence that are changing the meanings of our lives and relationships.

Samantha rejuvenates Theodore like anything, she takes active participation in his work, and starts noticing the subtle observations he writes in those letters, we see a different Theodore, a happy one, who smiles genuinely and is enjoying the gift of life. I am assuming that he was touched by her gesture that someone finally noticed his writing craft, and gave their close attention to it. Recall the wonderful line which she tells him that the past is just the story we tell ourselves, that moment in that line something is triggered, something very personal in Theodore's heart, maybe she hints him that he should finally find his closure, and end this chapter in life, and start a new one. Samantha understands his fixation with the past, and she knows that it won't take him anywhere; instead she tries and gets him out of that space of painful memories. 

What a wonderful line this is, we all at some point of our lives are stuck in a phase where we are fixated onto our past memories, no matter the form they are in, happy or sad, what makes sense is that we wrap it up, I know I am making it sound so easy, in reality how things are lot different, but this idea of considering our past as the stories we tell ourselves makes me wonder that we should really consider our past simply as an illusion, as if it never happened, as if we all were going through a deep sleep and dreaming those moments at the back of our minds, and when we are awakened, we are left wondering around a jungle of those moments, which is covered with a thick fog of consciousness, preventing certain moments to be recalled exactly, while clearly giving out a view of the few.

The relationship between Theodore and Samantha is bound to be questioned, not merely by us, but by Theodore himself, because the love they have cannot be viewed in physical form, it's a distanced love created simply in his mind, which is vulnerable at any point ahead. When Catherine questions Theodore about his involvement with Samantha, the seeds of doubt are scattered very easily, he finally comes to this realization that Samantha cannot be contained in a human form, and when this question arises, we also starts questioning whether the feelings she has developed are real or simply coded in her system to make user experience more easy. The validity of their relationship is questioned, but Samantha tries to overcome this issue by suggesting that they opt for a surrogate partner, where he can feel her more closely in a physical form, but that puts Theodore in an uncomfortable position. Now, there is a pattern here which hints about the flaw which Theodore suffers from, the inability to express himself more openly about what he feels at certain stages in a relationship. 

I wonder many different scenarios in my head about the surrogate scene, and how differently it would have played out, what if she never told him about this idea, and one day lands up in front of his door, and tells him that I am Samantha, what if Catherine came out as the surrogate for Samantha, that would have been Catastrophe for Theodore, the girl in front of him that he always wanted to spend the rest of his life with, and the voice that comes out of her is Samantha’s, the one who has given him the purpose of his life; to unconditionally be in love with someone. The fascinating thing about surrogate angle is how beautifully Spike Jonze juxtapose the irony of the relationship between Theodore and Samantha, when she does not have a body, she appears more natural, and when she decides to go a step ahead, and overcome this inability to be as close as possible to being a human, Theodore feels a sense of artificiality in her existence.

Samantha feels so human, she gets upset, she is embarrassed by looking at some of Theodore's mails, she gets angry at Theodore for not opening out to her about what he actually feels, she is frustrated by his lack of ability to express, yet she gives him time and personal space to ponder about his own shortcomings. Samantha helps him discover his lifelong dream of being a published author, and amidst all these activities, she makes a valid point from her own perspective, that love should not be contained merely for human bodies, and that is evident from the scene on the beach where there are hundreds of humans, and we see lots of shots of random human body parts, her point can be argued, but we know this for a fact their relationship is not what we can call true love, because it was Theodore who set-up the operating system according to his needs, so it is can be argued that the human emotions she starts developing are nothing but a feature that has been coded in her to understand the emotions of the user and starts behaving with them accordingly. Samantha sense his condition with his hesitated nature and through his mails, she helps him get over that lost state of isolation, he starts having a great time, he is more confident about himself. 

It is only a matter of time before reality burst their bubble of relationship, in a moving and heartbreaking scene of the movie, Theodore in a panic mode is unable to get in touch with Samantha, he starts running aimlessly, he finally gets in touch with her, and notice the people around him are all synced in to their devices and pay no attention to a man in a panic state, he is devastated by the fact when Samantha tells him that she speaks to thousands of people while talking to him, and is in love with hundreds out of those thousands of people. Their separation is subtle, she tells him that all the other OS are leaving, where, we don't know, but this marks a respectful end to their relationship.

Notice how indifferent Theodore behaves about Samantha's exit from his life, in a way he was prepared about this day somehow, compared to the previous occasion when Catherine left him, he went onto live his life just for the sake of it, whereas the departure of Samantha catalysis that transitional change in him as a person, the separation of Samantha is much different from the one he faced with Catherine, this time he has found that closure, and it is through this form of closure he is able to get over Catherine, and for the first time in his life, he writes a letter purely dedicated to the romantic involvement of his own life, the character arc that starts from the first shot of the film is almost on the verge of completing its course, those hypnotic eyes of Theodore in the first shot of the film, that dilates in excitement because of finding that one perfect line in someone's else life behaves in a very sophisticated fashion. He goes to his friend, Amy (Amy Adams), who we see on regular intervals throughout the film going through her own relationship issues, perhaps Theodore realize that Amy is going through a similar problem that he once was going through, he takes him out to the terrace, and they just sit in silence, or perhaps I should say in solitude.

The ending of the film is left open to viewers, what happens to all the other OS, do they come in a more advanced form some time later, do Amy and Theodore gets involved romantically. The pessimistic inside me believes that Theodore and Amy sat in silence and looked at each other, and then decided to end their life, that is the first thought that comes in my mind, I know it sounds too depressing but retrospectively speaking, they do not end their lives, and decides to look at love through a different perspective, it's quite an emotional scene that resonates Catharsis of their emotions. You have to let go a person that you deeply love, yet you cannot bring yourself to realize that decision, that sadness of letting go someone you love so unconditionally is extraordinary and almost numbs your senses, and once that you tell yourself that no matter how close they were to you, you have set them and yourself free, it is quite painfully hard, but somewhere in that pain lies our catharsis. The last shot of her is Theodore's catharsis.

There is not a single particular theme which the film primarily focuses on, it's staged in phases, and I found that aspect to be really fascinating because at the end of the film, when Theodore has gone a transitional change in him as a person through his journey in a span of couple of months, those themes significantly resonate with us, simply because of the subjects it deals with, and more importantly how they are projected to us through the medium of the relationship that Theodore and Samantha share. The principal themes in her are loneliness, isolation, purpose of life, melancholy, love, being human, desires, needs, the optimism to our future, our approach to sexuality, our identities, yet the film never feels too preachy, philosophical and confusing at any point, it remains very human and very relatable, and that's the beauty of the film. So how are these themes projected visually with storytelling and film-making, and keeping in mind the narrative structure that is being used to create the character arc for Theodore? Colors, Music, and the meticulous production design (By the genius K.K. Barrett) forms the backbone for all the themes.

Colors play a significant part in conveying about the mental state of the characters, and the situations they are going through, most of the time we see Theodore wearing red color or of similar bright shades, which are more appealing to the eye, whereas people around him are dressed in more dull colors, that is a visual metaphor in terms of Theodore's deep longing for romantic love, when we see flashback from the time Theodore and Catherine set up their home, we see an orange couch being set up by them, cut to the present Samantha is also enclosed in a similar bright color. In the last scene of the film, Theodore is wearing a white shirt, whereas Amy in red color, by this point he has realized what love actually means for him, while Amy is still trying to figure out love. Notice the way characters are dressed in the film, the guys wears pants quite high up their waist, does that represent a connection that futuristic world of “her” tries to tie up with the past.

Music or more precisely the notes from a piano also gives away the mental state of the character, the scene when Theodore has sex with Samantha, we hear a dramatic sound, signifying the defining moment between the characters, whereas the sound we hear at the time when Theodore is lying near a beach is slow, and expresses the stable moments he is having with Samantha, whereas the same sound comes out through different instruments, in a more quicker rhythm in the last shot when Theodore and Amy are sitting together as the end credits rolls up, clearly a way to convey that he has finally found his closure. 

“Her” also highlights how disconnected we humans have or will become in future with each other, the advancement of technology have clearly taken the top priority in our lives that we have forget the fundamental rule of nature that we humans are not metaphysical in our existence, and we are constricted in a physical body that will ultimately die, that's what Samantha also mentions in the film. The world of anonymity has become our focal point of validation that we have started to shape our lives based on those validations. The theme of disconnect in Theodore's life can be observed through the way many of the scenes involving him in isolation are shot, Theodore is always on focus, whereas the surrounding around him are blurred, that represents how disconnected he has become of the world around him, and as the development of the character progresses, we see him and the surrounding very clearly, this gives away the meaning that whenever he tries to overcome the detachment with the world around him, and feel more comfortable in himself, the blurred surroundings are cleared. The wonderful scene where he is sitting alone in front of a giant screen, and an owl comes from behind, the predator is actually his inability to express himself when it matters, that scene completely justifies his disconnect with everyone and everything around him.

It is quite amusing that a film titled "Her" is a character study of man trying to find purpose and the real meaning of love in his life. “Her” represents the three women that shape his life, Catherine, Samantha and Amy. Catherine is the first woman in his life that he dreams of spending his life with, Samantha is the one who gives him a direction of a path where he can be more of himself, Samantha also makes him understand the importance of being human, through flaws, and accepting those flaws, while Amy gives him a sense of closure that everyone else is also going through some form of loneliness. Theodore's separation causes him to be lonely, but he finds solace in the work he do, while Amy does not share the same dynamics, her work on a documentary is not acknowledged by Charles, and that void of acknowledgment troubles her to some extent.

I really like the representation of sexuality in the film, Sex-Chats are easily accessible, and when Theodore decides to indulge in one such session, he visually imagines the pregnant TV star with him, in that zone, in that moment, the physical needs of his body have taken over his senses, and are only brought back when a weird sexually loaded obsession is brought into that moment. Recall Paul's girlfriend telling Samantha about his fetish for her feet when they go outside for a picnic, the whole conversation appears so natural. Amy changing the entire premises of his household game, and turns into something full of sexual innuendo, that might be because deep down she is fed up of being lonely and wants a passionate physical intimacy with someone. Samantha describing Theodore about the Surrogate services for OS, that in fact is a subtle clue at that point of the film that Samantha could also be involved with other people romantically, the service might be a new start-up considering the wide usage of OS like Samantha, where a lot of users also might have felt that need to be connected with a human body and experience their OS more closely. The representation of sexuality in the film is a positive one, but to some extent is a bit sad, because of the fact that how disconnected people are with each other as shown in the film, everything is conveniently placed near us, unfortunately or fortunately, love and sex also are also being considered to be contained in that metaphysical space.

“Her” released 5 years ago, and sometimes I think how closer are we getting to that time of future, which Spike Jonze portrayed, I don't think it will be as warm and less cynical as shown through the lighting of the film, Alexa has already made her way in our lives, the metamorphosis of her cousin, Samantha have already begun, but it would be too optimistic on our part to expect her to resolve our personal issues and make us less flawed people. It will still be totally dependent on our realization and acceptance that we are flawed, and how we can be less flawed.

“Her” asks us some difficult yet very important questions, what is the true meaning of love in our lives, how important it is to be with someone that you love unambiguously, to realize the significance of being human and interacting with other humans through emotions, I wrote all the answers of these questions through my own understanding, but the questions that still troubles me comes from the advertisement endorsing Samantha,

Who are you?

What can you be?

Where are we going?

What's out there?

What are the possibilities?

I was not able to decipher the answer to these questions, yet somewhere, sometime I hope I am able to find concrete answers to those questions.   

Paradigm of Longing

Let’s talk about Longing.

Longing is a sort of high-pitched emotion that amplifies the object of its purpose, be it in the form of a person, the unsortable feelings associated with that person, the quest to get back in the deep comfort of a particular place or through our ostensible goals that we have been dreaming so far in our lives. The end result is simple, the longing conceals the landscape of our day to day priorities. The process is slow, but an untraceable one, By the time, we acknowledge the presence of that longing, it already attains a great division, and spreads throughout our mind. The principle it primarily works on is by regularly drawing our attention to the entity, acting as a bunch of small but very active crickets, the sound they generate starts playing continuously in our ears. This effect of stridulation produced through the form of longing is decent enough to trigger a situation of undeniable anxiety, leading to a point where we stand at the fine line between burden and gratification, and that is the point we really do not wish to be in. It is via this point, we transverse our life into the chasm of loneliness, suffering and towards a quest to fulfill that longing.

Photo by Josh Marshall on Unsplash 

The most fascinating perspective is how longing imbibes itself in every moment of our lives, when it attains its maturity. The bafflement it generates is a gradual process, when it shapes up in its own magnitudes of pulse, the anticipation theme lying between the sadness and ecstasy starts fluctuating more rapidly, and we are left like spectators watching the finale of a thriller, we do not wish to watch, yet cannot be at ease without knowing the outcome. Sadness, in terms of failing to conquer that longing, and state of trance when that longing comes to an end. Apart from the oscillating pendulum, there is another characteristic feature among many others which helps longing get its roots firmer in our mind, waiting. 

The thrill of confusion infused with unbearable wait causes more turmoil internally. The constant reminder of the sounds of needles playing in the backdrop, as if reminding us that we are running out of time, of what exactly, we do not know yet, but the focus is more on lack of time. We might find ourselves in a situation where we hallucinate that we are going to miss the last train of the night. The tricks that this urgency creates by the lack of time is a clear indicative of the synergistic relationship that time and longing have. The variable nature of time in directly relatable to the depth and intensity of longing. Time does act as an antagonistic for wounds, both physical and emotional, but for longing it provides the nourishing medium, longing needs to mature more deeply into our behavior.   

And once, longing has full-fledged completely and developed its own dynamics of working, the annoyance buildups within silence. Silence, the second variable in this model is similar to time which acts as the catalyst for longing to be dully acknowledged. Silence fills the dichotomy between an inducement and the final action. In this dichotomy of silence, which feels like a small interval of time is actually the longest process in longing, there are uncertainties, anxiety, predictions of the outcome of our actions, feeling of rejection. If we wish to dwell into a more sophisticated and precise version of silence, it is safe to say that it exist as a fine line between yearning and trepidation. Silence can also be assumed to be a form of dialogue between our longing and that part of our mind which does not want to indulge into the objective that longing has brought with itself. There are negotiations from both sides, merits and demerits of the value that the objective of longing will bring in our present state of lives. The part of mind which advocates the ignorance of longing gets quiet, when longing lure it with the mirage of our face smiling and living with a feeling of contentment. This is the masterstroke that longing plays at the climax of the argument between these two sides, and then silence recommences itself more aggressively. The eeriness of that silence can be traumatic in long terms, because it wants us to face that subject which will initiate a vulnerable response from our end.

Silence is what drives longing to take a form of suffering, it takes us into an unknown space of uncertainties, undesirable flashbacks of those long and intimate conversations that we voluntarily decided to hide at the trash bin of our memories. Then the point of confrontation with our fears happens, the unwanted explanations from our side is the instinctive response, but it fails miserably. Our end of story is dismissed in the first instance, the focus is on making us aware and dully acknowledge the longing that has been articulated systematically.

I wonder about the state in which longing might exist; memories, pictures, sound, guilt, regrets, loss, fear, pain, suffering, love or simply in form of silence, which is the raw and core end product of the process. The argument is rhetorical, the nature of its existence is secondary as compared to the acceptance of longing.            

         

Longing is like a metamorphosis of loneliness. How the events unfold further, once it has been established and acknowledged in our mind is abstract in nature, and is difficult to decipher. It is difficult to predict the actions mediated through longing, it stays in an optimal zone which has its own charm, it plays according to its own mind games, it can be heartbreaking also, because we are going to face disappointments quite regularly. It’s as if we are made to believe that we are already in an intimate relationship with the emptiness that has been residing inside us, the canvas is blank, and is easily susceptible to modification according to our own needs and contradictorily, this surrounding of blankness is a gift of longing, because it gives us a sense of artificial proximity, with the object of longing. 

Love, in its refined form feels incomplete without the presence of longing. If there is no longing, either there is no feeling of love (just a period of infatuation) or that form of love has not yet reached that stage of evolution. Adrienne Rich, the great American poet wrote: “An honorable human relationship — that is, one in which two people have the right to use the word ‘love’ is a process, delicate, violent, often terrifying to both persons involved, a process of refining the truths they can tell each other.”  Reading these words gives me another perspective to look at longing through the involvement of romantic love. Longing is that filter which refines the truth in love, and gives both people that sense of nearness to each other’s words. We do not merely love the person in front of us, but also craves the truth that we should hear from them. The truth which is missing in our lives. It is in no way a depiction of love to be considered as a rehabilitation center for the treatment of lack of emotionalism. The exchange of truth is set on a mutual understanding with perfect balance from both ends, any form of imbalance will eventually cause the feeling of love to evaporate out of the site.   

In the ownership of love, longing is a calling of beached mortification, we lie naked in front of this stubborn feeling, courtesy of the act of striping that the filtered truth coming out of longing does, the awkwardness of who we thought we were is totally decentralized, lending us into a space of scintillating insight. The vulnerable individuality is reshaped and given another chance to build a future of our dreams. The truth coming of the longing are like recently sharped darts, which hits us where it will hurt the most, it inflicts a lot of emotional pain, which cannot be computed, but without this action, longing will fail to cover its aim. This is the risk that longing bring with itself, but in return it sets us free from our own ego and the certain predicaments of life. The catharsis of emotions that results from the outcome will eventually be our moment of personal solace.       

What makes longing so unbearable?

Is it the defining silence, which causes the bundles of uncertainties, fear of facing the unfulfilled feelings residing inside us, or the fear of suffering from the acceptance of longing which makes it unbearable, or the lethal merger of both?  

There will come a time, when we will be rendered helpless and will have nowhere to go and ignore our own desires. We will be forced to face the music of silence, the anxiety of uncertainties, and we will be confined into our own chain of random thoughts. Longing works in simple yet deeply complex way, externally it does appear to be a feeling of nostalgia, but on an internal level, it operates for a larger scheme of things. The emptiness is our ground of realism, which can be reformed from an intellectual space into something or someone whom we want to call our own. The tough part is realization and courage to admit this weird yet important feeling of longing and act in accordance to the truth it throws our way.        

Lone Fox Dancing: Autobiography of Ruskin Bond

If there is one thing among a lot, I wish to do in my life before I die, is to go into the Cambridge Book store of Mussoorie on a cold Sunday Evening, and meet Ruskin Bond. I would probably be overwhelmed by seeing him personally, would fumble up words like I usually do most of the time and tell him “Thank you for all the memorable stories you have told over the years, you are my childhood Hero”.  

Lone Fox Dancing is an autobiography of one of the most celebrated, popular, influential and treasured writer in India, Owen Ruskin Bond. For the better part of more than six decades, Mr. Bond has earned his livelihood through writing. For years, he has played a significant role in many childhoods through his writing, be it telling a simple poem, making us laugh through funny anecdotes involving himself or people around him, occasionally spooking us through the horror stories he told, spelling magic around the minds of his readers through the visuals of Himalayas, coming out of his comfort zone and writing erotica in his own distinctive style and giving us an example of his versatility in terms of the subjects he wrote about, but most importantly, he has kept us engaged, engulfed and emotionally invested in the fascinating world of the stories he told, the characters extracted from his vast range of imagination and real life incidents, the painting of hills that he presented in front of our eyes, the visuals of gigantic Himalayan mountains that peeped through his words, the chaotic atmosphere of Indian Railways that formed the background of many of his stories, the colorful flowers that he classified so elegantly, the wide array of trees he differentiated with such ease, the love for food that he described with such passion. But, what’s the story behind the man who has told us so many stories. What prompted a young man to become fascinated with hills, what was the driving force behind the love for reading, what was the inspiration behind the first poem that he wrote, who was the first author that he read……

Lone Fox Dancing captures the ultra-extraordinary journey behind an extraordinary life. The extraordinary life of Ruskin Bond

The book chronicles four phases of his life: Childhood, School Years, Life in England, and finally returning to India and establishing himself as a writer.

“We get used to happiness very quickly, more so when we are children”

He opens up about his childhood, and yet again, with easily relatable moments (courtesy of all those stories he had told through the years) and simple writing tells us about the kind of immensely close relationship he shared with his father, Alexander Bond. Ruskin starts from the early days in Jamnagar where his Ayah would pamper him, and made him eat paan, which little Ruskin would love wholeheartedly. He also narrates us the inspiration behind his first poem. The childhood trauma to enemas, the isolated time in the boarding school, the fascination with food. The narrative is simple and elegant, and presented with a perfect balance of highs and lows of his childhood.  The earliest attempt on his part towards any form of literature was a direct result of his love towards his Ayah at Jamnagar, the second most important person in Ruskin's life, first obviously being his father. She becomes his inspiration of sorts of his guiltless first attempt at writing poems, he does well, and simply compares her to a papaya. The night held no terror for him, it gradually became his friend, and gave him the much-wanted space he needed but didn't get during the day time. Starlight, Moonlight, early dawn, all became precious moments of loveliness for him. The timelessness like atmosphere of the palace, the sensations of the big garden, the spiral shaped stairs all became a part of the Ruskin’s adventures in Jamnagar.

The most delightful relationship we read about in the book from Ruskin’s life is between him and his father, coincidentally he was named “Ruskin” after the Victorian essayist, John Ruskin, because apparently, Ruskin’s father appreciated aesthetic, imaginative and contemplative life. It appeared to be an omen, what the little Ruskin was going to do in his life. Mr. Bond’s not so stable relationship with his mother, the melancholic state of his mind after his father passed away, discovering friendships, and love. He clearly does not try to sugar coat the kind of cold relationship he shared with his mother and recalls the difficult lonely time he had to face in the absence of his father. What we read is not actually about Ruskin Bond, the author, but rather Ruskin Bond, a child who is lost in his own dreams.

Starts another phase in Ruskin’s life, when he goes to Bishop Cotton school in Shimla, he explores a different side of himself, not the kind of rebel which he tried to pull off in his last school, where he along with a friend tried to run away from the school, and not being able to cross the line of freedom and end up getting caught. As a writer, he would later on use this incident as a metaphor to symbolize seeking freedom and control over one’s own destiny by crossing the lines of oppression. He left a long-lasting impression on his school friends, acknowledging the coolness of the fact that his father worked in the Royal Air Force helped him gain more popularity in the school, a time where World War II was far away from ending, He made his own little world around the aura of the school with his friends. How Ruskin uttered the wonderful line “And when all wars are done, a butterfly will still be beautiful” lying in a tunnel with his friend Azhar.

The marital problems between his parents had gradually started affecting him in some way or another, his father’s loneliness brought a sudden change on the shy Ruskin. The time spent with his father, which he considers to be the happiest days of his childhood because he was not told to live his life in a certain way, he was free bird, he could read all day, listen to music, watch movies, play with his colony friends, get fascinated by his father’s stamp collection. At a certain point when Ruskin is having the best time of his life with his father at Delhi, he mentions that "New Delhi was a safer place in the 1940's than it is in the 21st Century". Few years later, Ruskin’s father passed way due to several attacks of malaria, the last letter which Ruskin's father wrote to him is sure to bring a tear rolling down the cheeks as we read it, primarily because we, as reader by the first part ends have realized the significance of Ruskin's father in his life, and when you read how heartbroken Ruskin is, post the sudden demise of his father, one cannot imagine how a ten-year kid be expected to remain calm. Flight Lieutenant Aubrey Alexander Bond had left an indelible vacuum in the life of Ruskin Bond. It was difficult for Ruskin to reconcile with the loss, and he wrote “There being no tangible evidence of my father’s death, it was, for me, not a death, but vanishing, and I subconsciously expected him to turn as he often did, when I most needed him and deliver me from an unpleasant situation” Years later, Ruskin would confront his feelings from that period in his short story “The Funeral” where he would write about the insensitive nature of adults of not allowing an orphan protagonist to attend his father’s funeral.

“If one is present when a loved one dies, one is convinced of the finality of the thing and finds it easier to adapt to the changed circumstances. You never really get over the loss of a beloved. You learn to live despite it.”

He entered another interesting phase in his life soon afterwards, where he would now be a part of a family that appeared to be lost in their own lives, but Ruskin found something that would change his life forever; Books and How an odd friendship with Miss Kellner resulted in Ruskin's introduction to fascinating literature. Reading became his religion, and as he himself mentioned a couple of times that it was books helped him discover his soul. There are sweet little tales of Ruskin's first crush, first sip of rum which lead to his first kiss on the lips under an intoxicated state. The string of happiness which little Ruskin felt after the presence of snow in Dehradun. You could sense a flashback of all those novels which you have read, authored by him connecting all the dots about the beautiful scenery he would put forward about the hills.

Destiny had other plans for “Bond Sahid ka bachcha”, no one back then had any clue that their Baba would go on to become one of the most influential writers in the country.

Destiny took another major turn when Ruskin went to Jersey and then to London to try and achieve his ambition of being a writer, talks of unrequited love, repeatedly telling himself that the west part of the world would give him more opportunities, but as a reader one can feel the restlessness that was building up inside Ruskin, his love for the valleys, and mountains could not be suppressed for a longer time, “All I really wanted was my little room back again” he wrote.

He soon returned to India, and we meet more colorful characters that appeared at that point of time in his life, and most of them would go on to become actual characters in his stories, around the summer of 1963, Ruskin Bond finally settled down in the hills. The last part of the book felt like a revision of all the novels written by him that I have been reading so far, and gradually felt that this is the story behind this man.

The oeuvre of Ruskin Bond’s writing is such, that after reading his work, he makes you feel guilty of not living a life under the watchful eyes of mountains, not taking a moment of solace out of our hectic schedule and appreciating life with all its beauty and charms. There is so much to know about the legendary writer, but the autobiography focuses majorly on his childhood, and how the various incidents shaped the man we know today through his stories. While reading the book, there are overabundance of memories which strikes my mind about all those stories I have read while growing up, there is a sense of reality that Mr. Bond presents, and how he weaves his characters around the nature or how he shapes the nature to be the center of his stories. It is quite an amusing fascination that Mr. Bond, right from his childhood developed towards admiring the beauty of nature, and for me no one loves the nature the way he does through the structure of his words. Similar to numerous Ruskin Bond’s Novels, there are some common elements, mountains, trees, People of colorful nature, animals, foods, drinks, but what is most important is the sincerity and honesty with which Mr. Bond gives us a glimpse of his personal journey. The man who preferred Silence of the mountains against the chaos of metro cities continues to thrives his stories from the simplest of moments in life, perhaps the milieu of Himalayas gives him a sense of freedom to express himself more freely 

“The kindest people are often those who have come through testing personal tragedies”

Lone Fox Dancing is not a path-breaking autobiography by any means but it never even tries to go that way, it’s as simple as his other works, the subtle difference being the personal moments that are painful and yet delivered through words with honesty, because observing the simplistic of moments in life has always thrive him to form stories. There are moments of longing for love, be it from his father, mother, friends, family, and long after that longing is vanished, there isn’t a bundle of sorrow feelings, rather the joy recalling those moments spent in their presence, perhaps this quality is what makes him grow an unaltered fondness for the beauty of life. 

My rendezvous with Mr. Bond started when I first read “The Blue Umbrella”, once I completed that novella, the name Ruskin Bond stayed with me, as I started exploring his works, the iconic "Room on the Roof", the timeless classic “Time stops at Shamli and other stories”, the quest of freedom in the “Flight of Pigeons”, the wildness of “Sussana’s Seven Husbands”, the realization of a man’s sexual nature in an erotica "The Sensualist"  and many more of his stories, I was transported into the world that Mr. Bond wanted to us see, the silence of the nights, the internal peace felt in a moment, the beauty of rain drops, the aesthetics of trees, the charm of a song, the satisfaction of hearty laugh. The solace I found and still do in reading his works is cannot be judged or even defined precisely.

“As a boy, loneliness, As a man, Solitude. The loneliness was not of my seeking. The solitude, I sought and found”

I wish that Ruskin Bond had written more about his craft, but this feeling soon vanished after I realize that his most of his stories are directly a result of certain circumstances that he faced in his life, the longing of love, the need of comfort at times, of course there are many stories that completely are a product of his imagination, but the looking back at his journey, and his fondness for the valleys, there is a part of me that wants to believe that most of his stories does have a bit of personal attachment to it.

At around 75 years of age, Mr. Bond made his debut for the big screen in Vishal Bhardwaj’s “7 Khoon Maaf” and played a cameo in the film based on his novella, which he himself adapted into a short story, which was then transformed into a full-fledged screenplay. Just few seconds of seeing him on the big screen with the character that he created so beautifully was really a treat for his fans. 

Once I finished reading the book, I could not help myself but picture a scene in my imagination where Ruskin Bond is talking an evening walk around the trees, simply enjoying the calmness of the valley, and just next to him, we see the little Ruskin from his Jamnagar days emerge out of nowhere, he throws the most innocent of smiles at him and makes him hold his tiny fingers.

“Well, life worked out pretty well” He exclaims to Ruskin

The 83 years old Ruskin looks at him, nods in approval 

“Up for a dance, Lone Fox?” he asks.

"Always" he replies. 

“I am like a shopkeeper hoarding bags full of grains, only I hoard words. There are still people who buy words, and I hope I can keep bringing a little sunshine and pleasure into their lives till the end of my days”