Thoughts on grief

After months of pondering about it, when I finally decided that I'll post something about Grief, I made myself a promise that I will not write about the parallels that grief has with love. Why did i make such a stupid promise to myself that to not mention the structural similarities between the two emotions, which are so forcefully interlinked with each other, because it gives me an opportunity to read, think and write about grief in a more broader perspective, comparing it with love will make me write about it in a constricted manner, which I have observed I have been doing (in some form or other) in all the post I have written over the last year. Not that I am deliberately ignoring the symbiotic relationship between Love and Grief, it's just that I want to test myself whether I can put up something worth reading about Grief without anyone thinking merely about its association with love.

You must have read about the law of conservation of energy, which simply states that energy can neither be created nor it can be destroyed, it can only be transformed from one form to another. Grief, almost works on the same principle. To classify it under as a form of emotional state does lay restrictions on its reach to our daily lives, and to be honest it seems a bit unfair on how we treat a person going through a state of grief, because grief is too big an experience to be classified under simply as an emotional state. 

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

It's better we label it as some source of energy, positive or negative, that totally depends on our own individual perceptions, but energy in any form is what triggers the person to gradually fall into that state of mind, so instead of caring about the end result, why don't we think more broadly about the source from which it has arrived. Perhaps, the answer to this lies in the question itself, we are so fixated with the destination rather the experience of the journey and not giving too much importance about the exact point which initiates that journey. Let's just assume for moment that we can't do anything about the source from which grief has originated, but the least we can do on our part is not neglect it, I am not telling you to acknowledge it's omnipotent presence, but don't deny the fact that our thoughts and actions are not surrounded entirely by its presence.

Since, energy is a quantitative property, Grief can also be considered reckonable in nature, no, it cannot be quantified literally, but by identifying the duration of the impact that source of energy which had preoccupied our minds for a specific time period might help us quantify it to some extent, however, a more important aspect is not how do we quantify grief, but how do we identify it in ourselves and respect it gracefully.

Grief could possibly be best described as a physical as well as a psychological experience that changes our outlook towards life, and force us to believe that the feeling of emptiness that has resided inside us is far deeper than what we actually thought it to be. An experience that at times will make you realize that it's something far more complicated, and the most ruthless nature is it's timing in our lives, because grief strikes us in our most vulnerable form, so in a sense the core power of grief lies entirely on the timing of its occurrence, and once it has taken over our mind and thoughts, we are left with no choice but to embrace it, initially with some kind of reluctance, but with time, as it grow on us, that acceptance is found with more humility, because by that time we should understand the scenario that particular energy in the form of grief is a far bigger entity than us, and cannot be destroyed or created, it will spend some quality moments with us, and when the right time comes, it will transfer itself into another form, and no we don't get to decide that 'Right' time. 

I remember someone telling me that grief is like the last station before we reach the destination of our catharsis, I didn't had any strong reason to disregard the idea, perhaps now I get what that meant, before we get to our closures, we are tested by life itself, that are we even ready for it, and the strongest parameter to judge that mental state is that life puts us through a period of grief. It's simply to make sure, that we'll be well prepared to handle such a vast range emotions when we reach to that end point.

So, coming back to my confused loophole of grief, I am still not able to properly articulate what grief means in a broader perspective, an idea, an illusion that everything around us is empty, or a story that we start telling ourselves that through this period we are going to find our true identity, that something magical is going to happen in our lives which will correct all the problems. It doesn't appear to be that simple, the beauty of grief lies solely on its origin. Grief arises due to incomplete desires, loss of irreplaceable proportions, but the twist arises due to quite a strange phenomenon, when we slowly fall into that pit of grief, and after some time, when we refuse to come out of it, and start questioning the existence of our lives, and several other abstract thoughts starts jumping inside our head which we fear will not make any sense if we try and share them with other people. Often, in last few months I found myself tweeting that we live in a cynical world, I wonder is that primarily because of the fact that we are in a sad state of life or from the fact that the world around us is unnerved by our sadness, that refusal to come out of our grief respectfully is probably because of the cold behavior we might receive from the people around us. That fear of what people might assume about our behavior is what has directed to this cynical thought process. 

An example of this situation is when we are questioned "How are you doing?", Now how do we respond to this common question which grief might give an illusion to be in the form of philosophical question, do we actually reply how are we doing from our heart, and convey the chain of random thoughts that we are feeling. C'mon, please tell me that the answer to this depends at what time of the day you are asked this question, I think the most positive responses will be in the favor of late nights, when there is complete silence, and we are desperately trying to be in peace with our mind.

The respect that I have been mentioning from the start, which is generated inside us via grief, is hard earned, because when grief in any form strikes us, and commands complete control over our existence, then it starts to unravel our life, and that respect and humility arises naturally in response to that action. This is what we get back in return, that respect teaches us responsiveness. The resistance to accept it respectfully is what suffering means, because then Grief will be in a more vicious form, it will weaken our knees forcefully at any point of the time during the day in any form. It will trigger more reactions from us in the form of anger, frustration, irritations, anxiety and eventually bitterness. To think that it can be figured out without realizing the larger consequences is a grave mistake on our part, which a lot of us do (at least I confirm about myself)

In that crucial moment which almost feels like a true cinematic adaptation of an opera, when we surrender ourselves to it totally, we take ourselves back in a more dignified form. Grief is that beautiful mirage we will reflect two extreme versions of us, no matter if we accept it or deny it, the mirage will make us see an illusion of images, which will be thought provoking in their nature. One will make us see the larger picture; it will help us make peace with our heart, while the other will give us glimpse of our own future, where we will be suffering because of our own indecisiveness.  

You might feel that this post is just a pretentious attempt on my part to write about grief or rather romanticize it, that's purely my lack of ability to articulate my thoughts properly. Grief is much more enormous in its dimensions to affect us than what we actually think it to be.....it’s your own individual decision how you treat it, just do not restrict it…………