Have you ever tried telling someone that they are your home?
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| Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash |
Try it, I think it's a beautiful and a very special thought,
the beauty of which lies more in the origin of that thought, rather than merely
conveying it to that person, if this thought strikes your mind, and you accept
it, it's far more important. The genuineness while telling this to someone will
come more naturally, and the impact of which will be resounding.
A particular place, or a person, or the memories attached to
that particular place or person is what helps me constitute my definition of
Ghar/Home. It's a lot like love in terms of the association with some of the
common emotional factors and their particular dynamics with the overall growth
of a person. Yearning, Sadness, Expectations, Void, the feeling of being
wanted, major disappointments and many more of those feelings in the same
dimensions which we feel while associating ourselves with our home.
But what constitutes that need to be in that space which
makes it so vital for us, that we start living our lives in constant belvedere
for, from where does that sense of belonging comes around, perhaps the
subconscious need to belong, be it in a place, in someone's heart or inside
ourselves, and most importantly the urge to be understood. The persistent hope
that drive us in constant search of that place. The lack of this hope
eventually morphs into some sort of an existential homelessness, which can
either become a great driving force to discover the home in ourselves, or can
provide us a mirror of reality, reflection of which will tells us a bitter certainty
that we belong nowhere, not in any physical dimensions, nor inside anyone’s
heart. The extreme version can also be summarized as that this existential homelessness
can either set us free; by making us believe that we belong everywhere, or can
cage us into the chain of our own thoughts about not belonging anywhere.
But that sense of homelessness that is created around us is
not absolutely authentic in its nature or neither questionable, it could be one
those notions that we are stuck with and later on convince ourselves that we
have mastered everything about it, it might sound too philosophical and more of
a conscious attempt on our part to delve more deeply into that search of home,
the aspect I really found interesting associated with this feeling of
homelessness is the moment we start questioning ourselves about our identity
and the choices we have been making so far in our lives, and the question about them resulting into something as desired, if yes, then it’s all okay, but if not, then why are
we not pausing down for a bit and re-evaluating those choices. The role of our
identities plays a crucial role in search of that home, and I am not referring to
our occupations or our dreams/ambitions, by identities, I am trying to say the
real us, which we have been hiding from the world all this while. The blocks of
internal stories, which haven’t been shared in its totality, the sequence of
those untold stories is embedded into our consciousness like a screenplay from
Charlie Kaufman, and in that sequence of events, we can find our identities,
because the narrative pattern of those stories is not a fragment of our
imagination, those narrative has been lived by us, it’s been recorded into our
memories and that for me is our true identity.
The reason between linking our identity and the sense of belonging
to home is simple, because until and unless we do not collect those internal
untold stories in that particular narrative and complete the equation with the
layer of inner drama, we cannot be sure about our identity, and hence we jump
right into that never ending loop of self-discovery by merely questioning our
decisions.
To look at it, one can simply consider Ghar/Home an empty
space, what is filled in that space can only be visible to us, because we
visualize that space to be filled with our own personal moments, and no one
else can look through that space with the same lenses as us. We have our own
set of emotions waiting to be triggered by those memories. Good, bad, ugly,
that's for us to decide how we tend to look and interpret.
I found myself telling someone few days back that no matter
how much I try and romanticize the moving on into a new city phase, there is a
part of me, cool, calm and composed because I am sure about the fact that one
day, I’ll go back to my home, and get old. And the question popped up in my
mind, in broader perspective, the stances to look at belonging to a home have
changed drastically, because we live in times where immigration, systematic
dissimilarities, the pattern of premeditated racism, and exclusion of people
from minorities have changed our political and emotional preferences.
Contradictory, these reasons have also pushed us to look out for that sense of
belonging to a home, because the rampant use of the word “Outsider” have become
so regular in our vocabulary that it has desensitize that gradually born
belonging, and instead has transformed it into a need, a cautious attempt on
our parts to be in a safe place. I guess that cool, calm and composed part of
me is actually terrified of being tagged as an outsider who is looking to be
around the safe and secured walls of my home.
The first instinct reaction that comes in my mind when I
think about home is the familiarity I have that with place, and with the people
around, I don't necessarily have to be in good terms with those people and vice
versa. The physical space that represents our metaphysical desires, that is a
perfect example of a neat metaphor about our consciousness. Like I said before,
home is almost a close cousin of love, probably a much more stable one. Both
wound us, they also heal us, tells us the path where we can discover more about
ourselves, a wonderful distinction can be assumed that in home, we can question
ourselves about our actions, love has no scope for that……
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