Death: The Undefined Space

"Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. To forget time, to forget life, to be at peace."- Oscar Wilde, The Canterville Ghost

It is another insomniac night, and sleep has been a distant dream, the moment I try to close my eyes, I have this sudden burst of anxiety (In whatever chemical form it is found in our body) rush through my veins. The group of butterflies in my stomach elevates my anxiety to its peak level. I feel like a student sitting in an examination hall about to give the most vital exam of his career. I think about random topics to ponder over in order to occupy my mind, because that is the most appropriate pastime for an insomniac, TO THINK.

Photo by Noah Silliman on Unsplash 

I randomly browse through various topics in my mind, that I wanted to think about, but I could not stick to a particular one, like my insecurities, my anxiety, my fears, my ambitions. I opened Twitter, just to divert my mind, I scroll through my timeline, desperate in search of something that stays with me through this silence, which have become my companion. A national award-winning lyricist and writer, I follow had tweeted few hours back 'Dying in sleep would be such a calm and hassle-free way to leave this world and end your journey', I immediately knew, that this is the topic I am going to ponder over and put my thinking neurons on work.

As Dr Sheldon Copper suggest, that during such period of analysis, we must put on our thinking cap, so I do the same, and ponder over DEATH.

Death is inevitable; we all are going to die; the mediums might differ but result would be same. Heart will not pump the blood; oxygen supply to the brain would stop. Whenever someone in a Punjabi family die, people communicate the news to each other by saying “O Poora Hogaye” literally meaning the person is complete. I recall an instance asking my grandmother what this sentence means, she responded with an elaborate explanation that how Sikh consider life as a cycle, starting point being their birth, and ending point being their death. She further went to explain me how death is an impartial phenomenon. It does not discriminate humans on their religion, gender, age, social status.

I recalled another memory, which made me a bit uncomfortable, I tried to re-frame the entire scenario in my mind, my grandfather came to his room, sat on his moving chair, asked a glass of water, closed his eyes and within moments he left us. In a chaotic world, dying in silence and peace would be such a pertinent path to complete our journey.  Mike Ehrmantraut, one of the coolest characters in Breaking Bad, ignores Walt’s apology and tells him and to shut the fuck up and let him die in peace. It is one of the subtlest sequences of a person accepting his death and trying to find solace in it. 

Mike Ehrmantraut finding Peace in Death

Mike Ehrmantraut finding Peace in Death

I try to analyze death,

Is it a sensation leading to permanent desensitization?

Is it a form of sharp sound waves that arrives with a crescendo of music piercing our eardrums? 

Does it seem as an angel calmly whispering in our ears that we are going to a better place?

Or does it appear as a devil disguised as an angle trying to con us in the lure of a better place? 

Is it the transporter that takes our soul into the field, which is beyond the idea of wrongdoing and rightdoing that Rumi, has talked about?

Death, on many instances does not seem as easy and peaceful; it often is brutal, heartbreaking affecting not only a single person for whom it is meant for at the first place, but also to everyone related to that person. It build’s organically into your mind, taking your body and mind through the path of loneliness, pain and slowly leaving your body and mind to wonder around in an undefined space.

I try to create a fictionalized scenario on death (if that’s an fitting way to present it), if a person is on the verge of death through any means, be it a pathological condition, or a psychiatric condition or simply through an aging cause, slowly their organs would stop functioning properly leaving the subject under extreme physical disturbance, and emotional distress for their loved ones, few lucky one’s would be able to bid good-bye to their loved ones, other’s won’t be able to say a proper goodbye to their loved ones. The moment body stops responding and physiological function stops, the soul leaves the body taking along with itself a jar consisting of thousands of emotions, be it guilt, heartbreak, happy memories, rejections, moments of utter loneliness, moments of pleasure. The soul enters the undefined space, wandering around and seeking another medium to encompass all the emotions with it.

Does the undefined space act as the divider between Heaven and Hell?

Does the undefined space form a minuscule portion of the gigantic universe, where the soul rambles around?

Does the undefined space keep the soul, and later prepares it to be transmitted into another body (acting as a medium), by loosely forming the basis of consciousness through the jar of emotions the soul has kept?   

Another thought hit my mind, what happens when a person dies a premature death, does the scenario post death remains same?  Does their soul wonder around the undefined space seeking out an appropriate medium to transfer the large chunk of emotions?  Another scenario is that the point of soul-searching for another medium might come from the fact that my subconscious level makes me want to believe on the perspective of reincarnation. May be the undefined space acts as cloud storage for the emotions when a person dies leaving the soul wandering around the universe. It is an indication that once our journey ends, there is no alternative route to start the same journey, the road end there.

The advances made in the Quantum theory has led to development of many novel theories that try to put different perspectives on death, life after death with respect to consciousness, time, space and the universe. I try not to go deeper into quantum aspects of death, instead I try to focus on my fictionalized scenario and stick to it, and indirectly telling myself that I had an eventful insomniac night analyzing death.

I try to rewind the entire self-mediated thoughts on death, and get answer to several odd questions from myself, the nature of death (Not suicidal, but in widespread reason), the self-created undefined space, which even I am not sure how to characterize it, the soul containing a jar of emotions, the basis of reformation of consciousness to lend the soul into another medium. 

I go outside my small room, and walk into the verandah, it’s about to dawn, and I am far away from understanding death,

Do I really need to? I ask myself, probably no, and that reassured stimulated ‘NO’ comes subconsciously from the fact that we have to accept it under any circumstances.

I take off my thinking cap, look at the sunrise, and still seek out sleep.